Reflections
by historylover
Summary: Tag for 5.4 "The End" Spoilers


A/N: That was one awesome episode. Although I don't believe that Dean REALLY saw the future, because I trust Zach about as far as I can throw the little fictional angel that's on my TV screen. Rather, Zach used Dean's own fears against him. But, still… this popped in my mind.

**Reflections**

Dean sat in his cabin, watching his doppelganger sleep off his punch. The guy wasn't a shapeshifter and didn't react to holy water…

However, he was convinced this guy was a ghost. And not one that he could salt and burn to get rid of. He just didn't know what this guy was, and he couldn't ask anyone. Really, all he wanted to know was the resemblance. However, he absolutely didn't want to go all "Parent Trap" on his scared troops.

It had been a long time since he even thought about an old-fashioned haunting. Him driving his baby to a hunt with Sam riding shotgun. Chatting about everything, never settling in one place, blowing from town to town. Saving people, hunting things…

Well, the family business had never seen anything like this. Sam was dead. Even the car was a burned out hull. One of the many things he had to sacrifice.

He never let his band make any sacrifices he didn't participate in. Any time one of his crew missed a meal, he would too. Any time one of his crew was up, worrying about a mission, he would be worrying with them.

OK, maybe not _with _them, because he learned a long time ago not to get attached to people. They only tend to tear him apart, make him weak. However, he was seldom by himself.

So, he grieved about the family and friends he lost whenever he was alone. Bobby was killed two years ago by Croates. Ellen ended up killing herself when her symptoms started appearing and before she flipped out. He found Jo's body in Chicago. Rufus died a year ago while going after a demon.

It was just him. Well, Cas was still around. Higher than a kite. He guessed he couldn't begrudge the former angel of a little joy. There was so little in the world now.

Dean picked up a shotgun and started cleaning it, keeping a loaded gun beside him, never taking his eyes off his twin, looking for signs of consciousness. As he was trying to find this dude's ID (he didn't have one), he noticed the handprint on the guy's left shoulder. Same one he used to have. This guy's handprint was still raised and angry-looking, while the handprint Cas gave Dean had begun to fade away. Now the only remnant of it was a faded scar of the thumb and heel of the hand.

What the guy _did _have on him was every single lockpick, box cutter, switchblade, knife that Dean carried. Hell, this guy even had the same damn Swiss Army knife full of the same worthless tools. What was it with the little tiny knife? What would that cut?

He put down the shotgun and glanced out of the window, while keeping his attention on the unconscious guy. Risa was expecting him tonight. He knew even as he promised he wasn't going to go. He needed to keep focused before a mission.

He wondered when things had gone so… wrong. He still missed Sam terribly, but Sam was dead to him. He had said yes. Dean wasn't sure what caused the change of… well, whatever pumped that black sludge through his veins now.

He knew when things went wrong. Where the blame always laid. 20/20 hindsight. If he would have never made that deal, he wouldn't have broken the first seal, and Sam wouldn't have accidentally released Lucifer…

The cycle was endless. But, where he really went wrong was refusing to become Michael's vessel. The arrogance and cockiness of youth. If he had it all to do again, he would accept Michael immediately. Angels might not have been wonders for the world, but they would have been a hell of a lot better than the hellhole the world had become, thanks to demons releasing the Croatoan virus.

Being an angel condom had to be better than this. But the angels took off when the virus was released on the populace, and no amount of screaming "I accept!" ever made them come back. And Cas no longer had any connections to the angelic realm. So he claimed. Dean thought that since Cas was always so high, he probably could talk to the angels but not remember it during those times he was sober.

Actually, that was one of the few things that amused Dean now. He remembered how terrified Cas was when he took him to a brothel before they talked to Raphael. Cas had come a long way.

Dean knew how to end all of this, at least. The Colt was reassembled. He was going to find Lucifer and kill him. He no longer cared that Lucifer was wearing Sam. Because Sam had died years ago to him. Maybe he should have accepted Sam's offer to come back to the hunt all those years ago. Keep him grounded as Sam always kept him grounded.

"What if? What if? What if?" Dean said out loud, and the guys stirred but didn't wake up. Life couldn't be built on "What if?" No matter how much he wanted that to be. After all, he couldn't live in the past.

But, things could have gone so differently. If he just had the foresight to go ahead and accept Zachariah's warnings. He dimly remembered a nightmare he had shortly before all Hell broke loose where Zachariah had sent him forward in time as a warning. He just didn't really remember the things that happened in this nightmare.

It couldn't be any worse than this nightmare. He was just trying to prevent survivors from experiencing the same Hell he had experienced.

He rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted. He felt so old. He was only 35 years old. He felt 80. Well, technically, he guessed he was close to it. 35 years on earth, 30 years of fighting and trying to survive, and 40 years in Hell.

"Well, doppelganger," Dean said to the sleeping man, "I guess we don't know what will happen tomorrow, do we? After all, I could die. Or you could."

He glanced at the window again to the ruined world he had brought about through his decisions. Killing Lucifer would be a privilege. If only to protect the unprotected.

It was all he could do now.

End

A/N: I don't plan on writing a tag for every episode. And, I apologize for not giving this episode justice. I wrote this tag quickly before going to bed. I thought this episode was incredible. I've missed this side of Supernatural. Not looking forward to next week's, though. (Paris Hilton? Yuck.)


End file.
